Man With Vague, Noble Ideals Finds Prejudice Disappointing
After the recent sacking of Tamar Iveri from Opera Australia’s production of Verdi’s Otello, a mild-mannered man from East Sydney reportedly wanted “everybody to just get along.”
After reading Tamar’s preposterous Facebook rant, thirty year old accountant John Man from Bankstown was disappointed to discover that her prejudiced, hateful remarks had actually been said by a real human being, because now he doesn’t know what popular inspirational quotes to use in conversation.
“I recently saw this meme about not agreeing with what someone says but defending to the death their right to say it,” said Man, looking deflated and lost. “I don’t know which rapper said that but I really felt like that was a philosophy I could live by. It turns out I can’t really do that, because then I would end up defending unconscionable bigots like Tamar.”
Man had previously defended other dubious high-profile figures, having marched in support of Guantanamo Bay inmate David Hicks. “I was so excited when he was released, because I knew we would finally hear his side of the story. But then it turned out there was no adequate explanation as to why he voluntarily joined a terrorist training camp in the middle east. I had always thought that if you take the road less travelled, like Oprah says, it would lead to wisdom and truth. It turns out some people are on the fringes of society because of horrible things they did.”
Man admitted that before Tamar was sacked he had shown her some support, sending her a picture of a cat hanging from a tree with the words, “just hang in there”. Now he regrets that action. “I just thought it would be nice,” he said. “Even if her incredibly stupid thoughts and actions destroy her career and make her an international embarrassment, my little poster would be there to remind her that someone with nebulous ideals felt bad about not wanting to defend her. Now I’m worried about what everyone thinks of me. I really wish I had just gone along with everyone else on this one, or even better, if she had just said something less damnably offensive. Then I would know what to do.”
It’s not all bad news for Tamar. Her agent has recently announced that she will be written into the latest season of Orange is the New Black. “We hope that by appearing in a show so careful to portray the complexity of the human condition in a subtle and nuanced way, people might remember that Tamar is also a human. We will just have to invent a crime for her character to commit, because she actually hasn’t done that yet.” There is no word yet as to the nature of her role, or more importantly, what type of steamy sex scenes she may appear in, but we can be sure she will bring some sassy dialogue to the show.
Man told reporters that he will continue to wish everybody could be nice to each other, though he really didn’t know how how he was going to be nice about the next idiot that came along saying horrible, stupid things. “I just wish I only had to show empathy for people I can publicly agree with.”