Spiritual Man Defines Himself As “Multitudinous”
After spending years trying a varied assortment of labels and tags to define his personality, self-proclaimed author John Man has embraced the single term “multitudinous.”
“It is in part a quiet allusion to the Walt Whitman poem in which he says:
I am large, I contain multitudes.
This is a philosophy I can embrace to the exclusion of any other self-defining term.”
Man says it was a relief to finally discover a term that fits his personality like a glove. “It’s like, now when I do anything at all, no matter how crazy or boring or illegal, I can fully identify with my action as a multitudinous being.”
Man had previously referred to himself as a “semi-Unitarian post-Rabbinic neo-conservatively pro-transcendentalist diasporatically-centrist neonatal-spiritualist.” This was after he flirted briefly with the now defunct “pro-transgressional re-circumpsective proto-cynicism” movement and joined the “pessimism-prophylactors,” renowned for their bizarre clothing. He soon became dissatisfied with all these labels and found the continual quest for self-identity disheartening.
“Now that I’ve found the light, I can see how misguided I had been as a Singularicon. Now that I’m a Multitudobot my relationships have improved, my happiness thetas are through the roof, and I can finally live up to my professed occupation by writing my novel instead of talking about it. It’s amazing how prophetic Whitman was in encapsulating the very nature of the Multitudobots so concisely, and before they even existed. How did he know?”
Man has established a string of Multitudobot conferences for his many followers, and says the experience has completely transformed him. “It’s as if I was just driving along minding my own business, and BAM, I’m suddenly an ultra-powerful super-being with enormous weapons tasked with saving the world. Well, that’s what I’m going to do, by quashing the Singularicon’s need for itemised, fragmentary self-labelling.”
There is no word as yet on what Man’s fictional novel will be about, but he has already decided on a title: “My Spirtual Awakening.”