Surprise Pregnancy Has Logical Explanation
25-year-old advertising executive Alice Woman recently became pregnant without really trying and was quickly able to pinpoint a logical explanation that could account for this surprising turn of events.
“I think it was definitely the unprotected sex I had with my boyfriend,” she told reporters. Many were impressed that such an elegant solution to the mystery had been found so quickly, as if pregnancy was easily predictable and therefore should never really be surprising when it happens to anybody. “I think if we had not used sexual intercourse to deliver viable human sperm into my reproductive organs I definitely would have been more surprised. But we did do that, and the sperm obviously achieved its sole objective in a way that any well-educated child could have explained.”
Her boyfriend, John Man, was pleased and excited by the pregnancy although he was disappointed it did not eventuate more dramatically. “When she told me she was pregnant I was only a bit surprised, but then I quickly identified the only possible underlying cause for her pregnancy that could exist. There was no intense scene in which she declared the truth dramatically during an unrelated fight, leaving me speechless. She just told me calmly and happily, as if I had been involved in the process in a crucial way from the beginning.”
Woman reportedly discovered her pregnancy while she was not at work, and therefore she did not need to run dramatically from some important work-related task to throw up and stare into a mirror before considering the possibility of pregnancy as if for the first time. Reporters were mystified as to how she discovered the truth without such an obvious event revealing it for her. “The thing is, pregnancy was kind of on my mind ever since we had unprotected sex,” she said, “so when I didn’t get my period I was immediately suspicious. Then I realised it was almost certainly the result of semen swimming through my Fallopian tubes and successfully penetrating my ovaries.”
Man says he appreciates the enormity of recent events and is comfortable with his new responsibilities. “I am really looking forward to my life remaining basically unchanged after the baby arrives,” he said. Meanwhile, Woman is excited about the general maturation and endearing character development her boyfriend is likely to undergo through a variety of humorous escapades over the coming months. “Eventually he will have to read a book I give him, or sell some of his sentimental possessions for the sake of the baby, or maybe even chase me down a runway as my plane takes off. Then I will know he is committed to the challenges of child-rearing in a practical, tangible way.”