Man Disgusted By Periods Wants Sex Anyway
19-year-old boy John Man recently told a friend that he thinks a woman’s period is “just the worst thing ever.”
He made the stark confession to prevent a conversation from veering too close to the subject, mostly because he gets all icky when anybody talks about periods.
“I just think it’s totally gross, you know?” he said. “They should deal with their women’s business in private. It is not important to my life or any life on earth, which is basically the same thing to me. It’s totally disgusting and horrible, which is something I have intuited without any research or knowledge.”
Moments later Man directed the conversation to one of his favourite topics: women he would like to have sex with and how he would like to have sex with them. He soon proved himself well versed in this topic, improvising a lengthy exegesis that exhausted all permutations and possibilities with intimidating scientific rigour.
At several points he made it perfectly clear that he would never have sex with another man, even if a hypothetical sum of money was implausibly available to tempt him into precisely such an endeavour. “I’m not gay, man. If you have sex with a man you are immediately gay, forever. Gay sex would be gross. I would never have sex if it was totally gross.”
The sexual preferences of Man became less clear when he professed his desire to have anal sex with a woman, because that “would be the best thing ever.” Commentators who were already confused by his earlier statements soon gave up any attempt to interpret them, concluding that what seems obvious and universal to Man is much less clear when subjected to any scrutiny.
Man insisted that there was nothing wrong with his ideas, saying that “everyone knows this stuff, man. It’s totally normal. If something was wrong with what I have been saying then I would have to reevaluate what is normal.”