Man Cheats On Girlfriend For Some Reason
John Man, runner and hider, was recently caught cheating on his girlfriend for some reason. In an attempt to explain himself, he laid out the complex theoretical framework underpinning his actions in a pithy, aphoristic form. He is reported to have said “it just happened.”
Bob Guy, philosopher and sitter, and explained the flaws in Man’s argument: “This claim, though superficially appealing, serves no purpose whatsoever,” he said. “All of Man’s prior actions have happened. That’s what ‘happening’ means.”
This lack of meaning may go some way towards explaining why man’s girlfriend, known to Man as Woman, was not immediately satisfied on an intellectual, emotional or human level by the argument hitherto proposed.
“And!?” she had reportedly cried, wondering why she ever chose to believe Man’s flimsy bullshit.
Bob Guy was on hand to translate this dithyrambic flourish. “Woman was very upset by the words Man chose to say,” he offered. “This might have had something to do with the actions Man chose to do, with his penis, but this is still not clear. The key tenets of Man’s moral outlook have not been established, probably because there aren’t any.”
The basic question as to why Man was stoshing his bosh in the wrong tosh does not appear to have been addressed. Some philosophers have suggested this may have been part of an elaborate intellectual ruse on Man’s part. “By making this pointless statement about things ‘happening’, Man was at least able to say a thing,” said someone wearing glasses near a bookshelf. “Saying things is personal and caring, unlike dipping your wick in someone else’s pliant candle juice, which is not.”
Man appears to have learned his lesson. “I never want to be called a cheater again, so in the future I will try to care about at least one of the women I’m stumping.”