6 Brilliant Spam Comments

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One of the things I have enjoyed most about WordPress is the extraordinary quality of the spam it attracts. Here are 6 of my favourites:

6.  Dysqpsg

 

10 gibberish

“I think we should disguise our spam comment by making it really, really look like a computer generated spam comment.”

“By golly, John, that plan might just be crazy enough to work!”

5. Pleasantness

8 pleasant posts

This guy really understands the internet: what attracts the real views is pleasantness. 

4. The life of a link

7 my links will too

What we have here, possibly for the first time in history, is the casual personification of a link. Why has this not happened sooner?

Just imagine how much a link would like to read my blog posts if only it could. Would it ever be able to do so? How would it leave its home? A link is only the gateway to another page; it is destined to usher others to its own dream, but it can never get there itself. Is this some sort of nightmarish Kafka tale in which the hero’s only desire is both created and permanently thwarted by the very conditions of his existence?

3. KIDNEYS!

5 KIDNEY DISEASE

Man, it’s not just kidney disease, it’s KIDNEY DISEASE.

2.  Slabire’s knowledge

2 enormous paragraph

Well, thanks. I didn’t think it was that big but if you say it was enormous, I will have to take your word for it Slabire.

1. Toy story

1 i'd like to find out more

This is a man who knows what he wants.

Though, he isn’t so sure at first. Initially, he phrases his declaration as a question: “I’d like to find out more?” You see, it’s the question mark that makes all the difference. What would otherwise seem like a confident assertion of intention masks a deeper battle of will. Clearly he is having a detailed debate with himself over his desire to find out more, but can only express his uncertainty in the form of an otherwise affirmative sentence subverted by a question mark.

But he soon has the answer. “I’d like to find out more details.” Excellent. Not only has he firmly decided that he does want to find out more, but now he knows what he would like to find out more of: the details.

His obsession with toy drone prices remains unexplained, however. Perhaps this is why he has a Hamletian problem coming to terms with his desire for details. He must have hundreds of lists of toy drone prices lying around that at first would have seemed like the answer to all his problems but would have soon become more of a burden and a hassle. I mean, there’s the constant maintenance of the lists, the storage and the curation to maintain their condition, not to mention the order in which they must be stored for maximum efficacy for retrieval and analysis. I can easily imagine that Kenton Bullen came to feel that his trove of toy drone prices was not so much the quest of a lifetime but more the burden of carrying the one true ring to Mordor.

Though I am glad he came to a decision regarding his desire for details, I do worry for his future. I think if we scratch away at his confident exterior and probe the deepest recesses of his psyche we may find that deep down he doesn’t really want more details. He wants freedom: freedom from the tyranny of having to catalogue all the toy drone prices in the world, freedom from the constant sense of futility underpinning his life’s work, and ultimately, freedom from himself.

The greatest prison is the prison of the self. Kenton Bullen- I hope you are able to overcome this inner dialogue and transcend your own bad habits. You must not let your past actions dictate your future decisions, Kenton! Though you may seem steeped in blood, I can assure you it is not as tedious to return as it is to go on! Out, damn spot! Out!

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1 Response

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