Man In Charge Of Curriculum Says Some Stuff

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John Man, CEO of Some Company, was recently made director of the National Curriculum somehow. Yesterday he issued a press release detailing his plans for education:

“The real problem with education is that it is teacher-driven, rather than student-passengered. Though teachers may indeed drive and students can certainly be driven, we are steering education away from this traditional type of learning-attempting and towards something that isn’t that.

What we need is student-centred teacher-chauffeured information-friendly helpy happy time. In our model, no student will ever be presented with a fact they do not know, because studies have been done to suggest that a system without facts has some type of observable merit. We aim for creativity-focused classroom-independent sessions of mistake-based discoveries and Ipad-compatible group-insights, leading to objective-dependent funding-based eye-visible change.

Have you seen Dead Poet’s Society? I haven’t either, but apparently some kid dies at the end. That is absolutely something we do not want; physical death for students is not a part of our objectives. If they wish to write poems that do not conflict with our syllabus or do not stray from the approved vocabulary we shall not object, but we certainly do not wish for them to die or form a society of the dead.

We see the student not as a robot to be plied with facts but as a sophisticated learning machine to be supervised while waiting for it to successfully program itself. To claim that a student needs to be “taught” is to insult their unique specialness. Instead, we will just let them play with lego until they revolutionise architecture by the majestic force of their own noble savagery.

I was paid more money to come up with this untested yet superficially appealing model than you can possibly imagine, but it must be great because I did it after watching a TED Talk. Luckily my actions will only affect every child in the country for generations.”

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3 Responses

  1. davidjabowe says:

    Reblogged this on David J A Bowe and commented:
    This is marvellous.

  2. Joel says:

    Reblogged this on Sensational Monotony and commented:
    Pretty much sums up what we talk about when we have a ‘professional conversation’.

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