Man Uses Facebook To Reveal Incompetence
John Man, a prominent engineer responsible for the cooling systems at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, recently made a colossal mistake that nearly cost him his job.
“I was so silly,” he said. “I was supposed to recombobulate the atom-smashing hammers but instead I discombobulated them. Luckily I was able to untrammel the flippity bippity just in time.”
As soon as he could, he posted a whimsical “what are you gonna do!?” status on Facebook about his grievous error, outlining how close he came to defibrilating the scumpadump and flooding Lake Lucerne with plutonium cement.
“It was important to me that I express to all my friends, family, colleagues, bosses and any potential future employers I may have, just how liable I am to screw up and how lightly I take the responsibilities entrusted to me,” he said.
Now that he has publicly shared his terrible mistake, anyone reading his status will probably view him as unreliable and foolish and may be less likely to trust him in other situations. Luckily, Man has a detailed knowledge of how Facebook works and is therefore confident that only his Facebook friends and their friends and any other human being on Earth who those friends choose to talk to will ever be aware of his embarrassing mistake. Because nothing you post on the internet can ever end up on the internet.
“I used to spend a fortune writing letters,” he said. “I wrote hundreds of them, carefully explaining whenever I got on the wrong bus or forgot an important meeting, making sure to include a sepia photograph of my lunch. But now with Facebook I can get these vital messages out to all the human beings I have ever met in one easy step.”
Man is keen to learn from his mistake, and has now also signed up to Twitter.