Free Speech Still An Issue For Some Reason
John Man, latte-drinking reprobate and garrulous bumpkin, has caused an outcry in democratic Western countries by publishing an intolerably disgusting, irredeemable book of depravity and unquestionably immoral filth.
The book is called “Rape Is Only Bad If You Let Them Live” and details his views on a range of issues, ranging from how great Ayn Rand is to why it shouldn’t matter if people of inferior races are slaves. Understandably, it has caused an incredible outcry from everyone, because it’s just a litany of disgusting ideas written poorly by an obdurate, failed lunatic.
“Not since Mein Kampf have I been so offended,” said Bob Guy. “Like Hitler, Man is an absolutely awful writer whose prose is enough to make any self-respecting person sick to the stomach. Long, turgid sentences of poorly constructed rhetoric and an appalling misuse of grammar. He should absolutely not be published.”
Man was happy that a furious debate played out on social and other media calling for his books to be banned. “Not only is it great publicity,” he said, “but people are still so distracted by the concept of free speech that my books do not have a chance to be mercilessly discredited by anybody reading them.”
We spoke to Starbuck, legendary Viper Pilot from the Battlestar Galactica. “It takes a while for values to become entrenched,” she said. “For example, no one in our universe ever cared that women were in the military- it was just assumed and accepted, a status quo that dispensed with any need for comment. It allowed us to get on with our lives and face up to the real challenges plaguing our existence: robotic genocidal terrorists able to take human form.”
Various writers have dismissed these comments, claiming that no one can even be sure if Starbuck even existed, especially after the third season. “In the real world we have to guard against pernicious ideas,” said Commentator Fred. “The best way of preventing a repugnant idea from influencing your thoughts is to ensure that your thoughts are directly opposed to it.”
Man dreads the possibility that free speech might eventually become so accepted that nobody questions it under any circumstances. “If that were to happen, how would I get anybody who disagrees with me to notice what I say?”