Music Teacher Hopes To Be Paid Eventually
John Man, peripatetic music teacher and total legend, submitted an invoice to his local school yesterday in an attempt to keep starvation at bay for at least one more day.
“I was sort of expecting the incredible, arduous work I’ve done this term to be honoured in the typical way,” he said. “As in, with money. Please give me money.”
We spoke to a representative from the school who informed us that the process just wasn’t that simple. “The process just isn’t that simple,” said Anne Cillory, head of phone answering and clerical banter at Clumptime College. “I can see from my records that Man submitted his invoice on the 15th.” After an embarrassed, unhelpful pause, she continued. “But he should have submitted it on the 13th, obviously…I mean, we always consult the shaman on the 14th.”
Man reportedly did not understand who this shaman was or what his contribution to the proceedings could possibly be. “Even supposing they need him at all, why do I have to wait a month before they can consult him again? Can’t they just get another shaman?”
Cillory scoffed at this suggestion. “Get another shaman!? Preposterous. We consult our totemically garbed soul-warrior on the 14th, as I have clearly explained already. Anything else would be madness.”
Man resigned himself to waiting another month before he could be paid, because he had no other options.