Overhyped Concert is Literally the Awesomest Thing Ever
This article was a joint effort between The Cross-Eyed Pianist and Throwcase.
A well-known British concert reviewer was so overwhelmed by the recent concerti marathon at the Proms that she decided to tweet about it.
“OH MY GOD, totally, NO WAY!” read one tweet. “Smiley fucking face” read another. One tweet expressed her profound sense of wonder with a most satisfying, lyrical flourish: “Wow! it was like wow! I couldn’t believe what I was like – wow!”
Anne McPiano, full-time enthusiast and flinger of barbs, raced home to type out the full concert review on her favourite Blickensderfer. “I knew it was going to be an extraordinary evening of music making, performed by fine musicians under the baton of one of the greatest living conductors,” she said, “but from the first note of the first concerto, I was like, you know, totally, like, just what the hell, like, fuck!”
We are grateful to Anne McPiano for allowing us to publish some of her review of the concert here, in which she even more deftly captures the full splendour of the occasion.
“I wasn’t entirely sure what we were hearing or why it had to last so long. Normally, I like to be out of the venue before the pubs close. Surely one concerto would have been enough? And those irritatingly enthusiastic muggles in that mosh pit in front of the stage…urgh.
My overall impression of the evening was that there was a lot of hard stuff that was probably played correctly, but I got bored eventually and wanted to go home.”
Earlier, in the interval, Anne was happy to speak to us about her writing process. “I’m not normally prone to hyperbole when I review a concert, no matter what anyone else or I thought about it,” she said. “I might mention ‘coruscating passagework’ or ‘vertiginous virtuosity’, but mostly I like to discuss which type of cummerbund the pianist should have worn, or in how many ways the women’s dresses were terrible. That’s why people read reviews- to hear what I think about that sort of shit.”
Though some call her a controversial figure on the music-reviewing scene, Anne refers to herself as a divisive figure on the music-reviewing scene, which is probably better. “My reviews are very understated, like somebody whispering quietly, in an understated way, about a concert they just saw, for money.”