Famous Classical Record Label’s Plans for New Album Are Mostly Photoshoot Ideas

By Pianists With Kittens

BERLIN, GERMANY – Famous Classical Record Label, which claims to be a leader in its field, revealed in a press conference Friday that it will soon begin work on a new album with Rising PianoStarsky. “We’ve consulted our team of artistic advisors about the new project,” said their PR representatives, “and we’re excited to announce that we’ve developed a number of great photoshoot ideas for the album cover and promotional materials.”

“We were thrilled to welcome Mr. PianoStarsky to our family and have been anxiously waiting for him to find the time in his busy touring schedule to stop by our headquarters and do a photoshoot with us. We want to be fully prepared when he finds that time.”

Like every single one of the young artists on Famous Classical Record Label’s roster, Rising PianoStarsky is thin, good looking, and more or less competent at what he does. Although in interviews PianoStarsky has stated that marketing is not important to him, the PR team was optimistic about his potential. “Humility is a hot commodity,” they explained.

“It’s not unusual that a new artist will feel uncomfortable posing provocatively in revealing clothing and colourful makeup, but we’ve developed a strategic plan to address this issue. For example, we invest a significant portion of our revenue in a team of psychology experts who work with young musicians right there on the photoshoot sets.”

“Rising PianoStarsky may have qualms about standing on top of a piano, but we have no doubt he will come to see how charmingly anti-establishment that actually is.”

Famous Classical Record Label spends most of its budget on cutting-edge technology used for photoshoots and promotional videos. “Our extensive market research reveals that audiences only buy classical albums based on the cover art.” In regard to young PianoStarsky’s new album, they announced, “We have just purchased a new fog machine and can’t wait to use it.”

“We were thinking of setting the photoshoot in outer space, but with fog—possibly also with swirling flower petals.”

Rising PianoStarsky could not be reached for comment.

This article is by Pianists With Kittens, who can be found on Twitter and Tumblr, and elsewhere on Throwcase:

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