Pope Inspires Outrage With Obvious Pope Thing
Pope Francis has inspired outrage and confusion after revealing that he has exactly the sort of beliefs he is supposed to have.
Last week he secretly met with Kim Davis, a staunch homophobic from America who refused to issue gay marriage licenses, and apparently thanked her for her courage and bravery in the face of opposition to her beliefs.
“I’ve read a lot about Pope Francis, and this shocked me,” said John Man, online commentator. “All the memes I’ve seen that have his picture in them show him to be a noble and compassionate man with generalised, palatable beliefs I can relate to. Now I discover that he is the head of a church that steadfastly stands against the very idea of gay marriage as it has done for all of time. I’m so disappointed.”
Though they look different and come from very different backgrounds, Kim Davis and Pope Francis have much more in common than might meet the eye: specifically, a dogmatic disavowal of the right for a gay person to express their love within the institution of marriage. “I always thought of the Pope as being like me,” said Sally McNally, local secular relativist. “That’s why I liked him. Now I can see that he is a bit like Kim Davis and I don’t like her, so I don’t like him because neither of them are like me and I don’t like that.”
Man says he wishes he could go back to a time when he hadn’t suddenly realised that if you take the official Catholic doctrine against gay marriage and follow it to its logical conclusion you end up with the sort of heroically minded intolerance shown by Kim Davis. “I see now that even though the Pope wears humble-looking clothes and says nice things to people on the phone and wasn’t a Nazi as a child, he actually represents unpleasant beliefs I would never even think of sharing on Facebook.”
Sally McNally agreed. “I hope the next Pope tries a bit harder to represent a specific religious faith in ways that contradict it for my benefit.”