Brick Lane Hipsters Won’t Shut Up About Brick Lane

throwcase brick lane shoreditch hipsters

John Man, artisanal hipster and coffee curator, has spent a lot of time in Brick Lane, a trendy hotspot in the London borough of Shoreditch. This whimsical corner of the city has served as the backdrop for many of the world’s most charming anecdotes about how awesome it is to hang out at Brick Lane. According to Man, it is not just a place you can go to but a place you can be at.

“Brick Lane is the sort of place that could only exist at Brick Lane,” he said. “If it was somewhere else it just wouldn’t be Brick Lane, I think.”

Full of confidence and brimming with social relevance, Man often strides happily down the streets of Shoreditch hoping to be assaulted with a barrage of once in a lifetime fine dining offers from exotic hucksters. “You know that the food is good if someone screams that at your face,” he said. “With any luck they might even physically assault me at the end of the night and somehow continue to operate as a business for years.”

Sally McNally, the local guerrilla dog-walker, says that the unique identity of the area is very very much a thing. “It’s such a special place because technically it’s not zoned as residential or commercial,” she said. “In the council’s official regulations, the whole area is zoned ‘lifestyle’. In that sense it’s like Brixton now when Brixton was like Peckham now.”

In recent years, Man has noticed a bizarre trend in which people outside of his social circle don’t seem to like Brick Lane very much. He has even heard some people say that the overpriced curries are not as good as they are made out to be, because they are actually terrible. “I mean, what!? Those people are just snooty snobs who don’t understand what sort of experience they should want. Shoreditch is not for snobs; it’s for everyone.”

Bob Guy, tower-builder and ivory fetishist, has written extensively about the cultural significance of the area. His book, The Eternal Bagel Draws Us On, is a must-read for anyone trying to understand the charm of the region. “I have been fascinated by Brick Lane ever since I realised I could buy bagels there,” he said. “It was amazing. I asked for a bagel, and then I gave the lady my money and she gave me a bagel, which I then ate. A bagel! Honestly, how could I not become enchanted by such an incredible place?”

Guy’s niche-interest book became very popular with Shoreditch aficionados who like to express their identities by buying things, especially if those things represent their own real or probably imagined experiences repackaged in idealised form. “If you are just middle-class enough to imagine that you are not the sort of middle-class person who enjoys doing extremely middle-class things, Brick Lane looks lower-class enough to reassure you that it definitely isn’t upper-class, which would be much worse than being middle-class,” said Hokey Cokey, local mover and shaker. “I mean, why would you even want to climb the social ladder if you are already as high up as us?”

Man says that no matter how many times he gets food poisoning or has better and cheaper food basically everywhere else, he will always return to his favourite Shoreditch restaurant. “My favourite part of the menu is the BYOB.”

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