Americans Not Obnoxious Enough On Social Media
AMERICA– Known worldwide for their social graces, Americans should be encouraged to be more obnoxious on social media, claims a new report. “If you don’t share the minutiae of your life on Facebook, people might think you’re hiding something,” writes Betsy McNetsy, a New York journalist with no training in sociology. “Undersharing on social media creates false images and personas,” she argued, “and this might make other people feel bad.”
The problem of ‘undersharing’ on social media threatens many Americans who thought they could browse their Facebook newsfeeds without being reminded of how their friends’ marriages are crumbling around them. John Man explained, “I read the report and realized I need to let the world know about how terrible I’m feeling about my divorce. I definitely felt like a pioneer.”
In the event that Man then runs into the offline versions of his friends, he won’t have to experience any awkwardness because they will already know to avoid eye contact with him. “It’s much better than talking to them,” he said.
Especially in matters of politics, Americans are encouraged to let their feelings be known. “Don’t sit around while people make racist comments on social media,” McNetsy advised, “Facebook is the perfect place for seeming to care about social justice issues.”
Elizabeth Woman also found this report liberating. “Sometimes I worry about starting a raging social media war by asserting my bold political opinions for all my belligerent Facebook acquaintances to see, but now I look forward to endless ideological arguments with internet trolls who haven’t the slightest grasp of basic logic or English grammar.”
“Remember, undersharing benefits no one,” concluded McNetsy. “In this day and age of zero privacy, Americans should be encouraged to ‘let it all hang out.”
John Man took to Facebook immediately after reading the report. “I love this new oversharing, thing,” he said. “Basically, it creates an environment where everyone feels equally bad about their lives, and that makes me feel better about my life.”