Scientists At CERN Struggling To Find New Audiences

Scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland have expressed frustration over how difficult it is to find new audiences.

“We have a loyal audience of scientific types who really care about all the scientific work we do here, analysing subatomic particles,” said John Man, president of the scientists, “but we all know that isn’t enough. What we need is to attract new audiences who might be more partial to other disciplines, like NASCAR or baking.”

Man says that he and his scientists have tried many different techniques in an attempt to attract new audiences, such as tweeting, waiting, and doing everything they can to hide the fact that they are scientists. “We might wear white coats, but that doesn’t mean we are just conventional scientists,” he said. “I mean, mostly we don’t even wear the white coats anymore, so what does that say? Something like ‘I’m not just a conventional scientist’ we hope.”

Lately, the scientist industry has been branching out with new marketing techniques, such as producing brochures and producing other brochures. “We want to convey that CERN isn’t really about making breakthrough discoveries regarding the fundamental nature of previously unknown subatomic particles like the elusive Higgs Boson, it’s actually about dressing up and drinking champagne.”

Some critics have suggested that this will simply push scientists away from the sort of work they do best, and make them do a whole lot of other things which is not the sort of work they do best, which is science. Man was happy to address these concerns. “Well yes, for the time being we do have to include actual science in our daily schedules but eventually we hope that won’t be necessary. That sort of thinking gets you old audiences, not new ones.”

You may also like...

1 Response

  1. megamezzo says:

    “….dressing up and drinking champagne.” Well, that’s fine for me!

%d bloggers like this: