Man Likes “Foggy Foggy Dew” Because It’s Actually About Fucking
John Man, song-enthusiast and keen chuckler, was thrilled to attend a song recital by the talented young singer, Max Tenor. He could hardly believe his luck when Max decided to sing the classic folk song Foggy, Foggy Dew as an encore.
“My goodness, what a charming ditty,” he said, polishing his monocle. “Every time I hear that song I chuckle, and I glance at my wife who also chuckles because I’m chuckling, and also because the song describes people fucking. What a lark!”
Other members of the audience were similarly delighted by the song, especially the way in which the two main characters must have played a good old-fashioned game of hide-the-sausage not once, not twice, but “many, many” times. “They must have really enjoyed staying away from the foggy, foggy dew,” said Bob Guy, “if you know what I mean. What I mean is that they had sex repeatedly.”
Famed musicologist Ripping Babushkin explained the song to us in more detail. “It would be easy to misinterpret it as a gentle warning against the dangers of sleeping outside in unfavourable weather conditions,” he explained, “but a true understanding of the text requires much deeper knowledge. One must keep this simple fact in mind: it’s not really about dew or fog, it’s about two people making slam jam.”
We spoke to benevolent pensioner Aunt Sally who was also in the audience. “It’s such a beautiful song, so full of tenderness, love, and nostalgia,” she said, “and also some poontang-pounding. That’s really the crux of the song, in fact: the all-important moment he would have jizzed inside her with his slinky-pinky. She probably would have said, ‘oh darling, you have plundered my love spittoon! You have garnished my tunnel-taco with your life-treacle! You have sent your alkaline pirates to bury their treasure in my cave of wonders. Thank you, thank you,’ etc. That’s definitely what she would have said.”
Max Tenor was once again pleased to see how much the audience enjoyed his rendition of this timeless masterpiece. “I like to focus on the kernel of this song, the real narrative truth behind all the poignant emotion, the poetic essence which transcends time and place and has a universal appeal for all of humanity,” he explained, “especially the part where they are fucking. That’s my favourite bit.”