Man Smart Enough To Like Classical Music

John Man, tinker and thinker, is very pleased with himself that he has the sort of intelligence and education that allows him to sit down and listen to sounds.

“In order to enjoy classical music you need to be very humble and intelligent,” he said, “like me.”

Man is keen to distance himself from the sort of loyalty card carrying riff-raff who listen to different sorts of sounds altogether. “The classical masterpieces I am smart enough to enjoy have been around for centuries because they have eternal and unarguable value,” he said. “How can uneducated types possibly know that? That’s the sort of thing you need to be told at school.”

We chatted to Bob Guy, a quaint and friendly plebeian who saw an opera for the first time last week. “My friend took me to see Les Huguenots by Meyerbeer,” he said. “I wanted to like it but it seemed boring and silly to me. Luckily, my friend was smart enough to explain that I was wrong, which was really helpful of him. I have such a great friend.”

Though Man was keen to defend opera as an art form, he stopped short of defending all operas because of course there are many of them and there is an enormous variety of style and quality, like with everything. “It’s not that I like opera because it is perfect, it’s that liking opera makes me perfect,” he said. “People don’t understand that.”

We were able to speak to the famous musicologist Ripping Babushkin who is even smarter than Man. “There are some composers who produced timeless works of art, the sort of music you can hardly believe was written by a mere mortal person, and no matter how many times you hear it it just seems more and more amazing every time,” he said. “And then there’s composers like Meyerbeer, who just wrote a lot of awful nonsense. No amount of education is going to polish those turds.”

Man maintains that all we need to do to make classical music great again is to better educate people about its merits, provided of course that only the right sort of people get that education and that none of it challenges Man. “I want everyone to be able to enjoy this great art in exactly the same way I do,” he said.

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2 Responses

  1. megamezzo says:

    Babushkin’s lyrical description of great composition – culminating in the single, surprise, scatological noun – recalls the spirit of Wodehouse who also knew exactly how and when to burst the balloon of eloquence.

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