Opera Company Uses Titsandface To Get Bumsonseats
One of the world’s best opera companies is reportedly keen to gain some more bumsonseats. “Our stock of bumsonseats is running low,” said John Man, a company spokesperson. “We have to get more of those, for goodness sake!”
Even a handful of bumsonseats is notoriously difficult to get. A lot of people don’t even know what a bumsonseats is, but they do know they need to get more of them.
Thankfully, many were relieved to hear that the company had finally crafted a plan to get thousands of them. As part of a daring new strategy full of bold vision, they have decided to use an innovative method designed solely to attract bumsonseats: some trusty titsandface.
“Now, there’s nothing wrong with a good bit of titsandface,” said Man, “and this is some of the finest we could find. I personally rely on titsandface quite often, for all manner of reasons, some artistic. And if it gets us more bumsonseats, then we will have achieved every goal we could think of.”
Some have criticised the company for using titsandface in such an obvious manner, but Man easily brushed these criticisms aside. “If titsandface has some other function, that would be news to me,” he explained. “What are you going to do, just leave it there?”
Luckily, we were able to meet up with the company’s CEO during its lunch break to ask about this bold new vision and discuss the broader context of the strategy. It was only too happy to chat to us while pecking at some stray seeds in a grimy bowl of water. “Bumsonseats! Bumsonseats! Bumsonseats!” it squawked because it’s a parrot.
Man says he is keen to see if this new plan is a success, but admits it wouldn’t really make much of a difference if it wasn’t. “Much like a face, our strategy is above everything,” he said, “specifically the tits.”