If I Were Lang Lang, I Would Play Better Than Him Somehow

People often accuse me of being jealous of the global superstar pianist, Lang Lang. Even when I tell them they are wrong and I helpfully explain the objective reasons as to why he is a bad pianist and awful musician, they seem to think that this is just further proof of my jealousy. It’s as if they think his extraordinary life of success is more valid than my opinion!

How dare he be one of the most famous musicians in the world? How dare he be of the most talented musicians of all time, practising for countless hours with his extraordinary work ethic, and effortlessly exuding a lovable personality that makes audiences across the world fall in love with him? If I had that much natural talent, worked hard, and had a personality, I would be way better than Lang Lang.

Where does he get off? I was under the distinct impression that piano music was a gateway to glory, but instead, it just seems to be a big gate. And who are the gatekeepers? Lang Lang- that’s who.

He also does so many things that I just can’t understand; in fact, he does things the sort of things that I avoid as a matter of principle. One of the guiding principles of my life is to never do anything that may lead to personal embarrassment, like talking freely about great composers, describing the ideas that guide my interpretations, and trying. Lang Lang does all of those things! He even said that he hears in Prokofiev’s 3rd Concerto the sound of a computer game! And yet for some reason, people still seem to enjoy it when he plays it spectacularly.

He also spends a lot of time seeking the advice and guidance of other musicians. I’ve seen several videos where he seems to actively enjoy collaborating with other eminent musicians, and even getting lessons from them! Doesn’t he realise that by following the musical advice of someone else, he is showing the world his weaknesses? This is something I never do; my musicianship is all my own.

It’s especially sad that he seems to be some kind of mainstream representative of classical music, as if the world wants to see people with extraordinary skill playing music they love in a way that inspires millions of people. Don’t they realise that is not what classical music is about?