Sally McNally, expert soprano and part-time syllogist, sent shockwaves throughout the universe yesterday when she indicated to her pianist how fast she wanted her aria to go. Unbelievably, the tempo she suggested was precisely the same as the tempo she then sang. Her pianist was astonished.
“When she told me her tempo I of course smiled and ignored her completely, as one normally does,” said John Man, smiling pianist. “But it turns out that what she described to me really was what she wanted, for real. I have never heard anything like it.”
This unbelievable incident occurred just before Sally’s important audition, and left many in the area speechless. We spoke to Sally to ask how she could have possibly achieved this extraordinary feat.
“Well, I took a moment to imagine the sort of tempo I wanted, and then I made sure to tell my pianist what that tempo was,” she explained. “Luckily, I have the ability to communicate with others, and this helped a great deal.”
News spread quickly throughout the Talented Musician School, where many could not believe that such a thing was actually possible.
“She must have a superhuman technique,” said Max Tenor. “What I normally do with my pianist is not spend any time thinking about tempo; I just hum an unrecognisable bit from the last page at whatever speed I feel like and when that turns out to be laughably wrong I just say “oh I never know how fast I want it” and shrug my shoulders fatalistically. Is there a better way?”
Sally was somewhat bemused by the way so many responded to her achievement with such amazement and wonder. “These rehearsal are usually very short, so I need to make sure I can describe the tempo quickly and accurately,” she said.
Man continued to express his astonishment. “I’m still at a loss to explain the situation. Other pianists I have spoken to about this think I have gone mad. I mean, what next? Will someone bring a readable copy of their music?”