Maidens Should Sing Beautifully About Their Suffering, Not Complain About It

John Man, titled reprobate and cultural dongle, has recently become very frustrated with all the commotion being stirred up by the famous woman Sally McNally.

“I don’t like the way she is talking about her pain and suffering,” he said. “What am I expected to do about it? Something?”

Man explained that although he would love to empathise with her on a deep and human level, he can’t understand why she has to be so petulant and naggy when explaining her difficult experiences.

“I find it very hard to empathise with her,” he said. “Why does she have to express her thoughts and feelings like that? I would prefer it if she was actually Maria Callas expressing those feelings with passionate and beautiful melodies instead. Of course, then I would be swept away on a tide of powerful, cathartic splendour, and it would make me a better man.”

We asked Sally McNally for comment, but we didn’t listen to her answer.