John Man, student singer and expresser of shocked looks, was outraged to learn that a classmate ‘stole’ one of his songs.
“What an outrage,” he said. “I sang it in English song class last month, so it was mine, and now Bob Guy is singing it as if it’s his. There’s only one word for that: villainy.”
Man says that although he didn’t write Doctor Scrota’s Fancy and it is about a hundred and fifty years old and many people have sung it before him, still, he sang it first, in a sense. “I found it on Spotify last year and I chose to learn it and then I actually did learn it, myself,” he said. “Now Bob Guy is just waltzing in and taking credit for that, as if he found it on Spotify and chose to learn it and then actually did learn it himself. Unbelievable.”
Recently Man’s best friend and number one fan, Sally McNally, has been busy reassuring everyone that Guy was way out of line. “It’s just bad form to cut someone’s grass like that,” she said. “I mean, is it that hard to find your own song in the Schirmer English Song book? It’s got like twenty other songs in it, maybe even twenty-two. It’s a big book.”
Man’s family and friends have revealed that now they have heard Guy singing the song, they no longer think Man sings it very well. “Before, I thought Man was unique,” they all said. “Now I know he is just a poser, hoping to trick us all with his fraudulent ways.”
“Well that’s pretty much exactly what I was afraid of,” said Man. “Honestly, this is the worst thing ever.”
We caught up with Man’s teacher, Dorothy Schnoutpaddy (who coincidentally also teaches Bob Guy) and asked her what she thought of the drama unfolding around this song. “Oh that is such marvellous song,” she said. “You know, I found it on Spotify last year and I chose to learn it and then I actually did learn it, myself. I think it’s much better than its more famous companion piece, There’s A Squire In The Garden.”
Man says that he is just not sure what to do now. “The more this sort of thing happens the harder it is to forget that the world is bigger than my group of peers and I will inevitably have to face this sort of competition from the whole world as soon as I finish my studies or even sooner than that like for example right now,” he said. “What a faff.”