Man Discovers Another Fucking Hindemith Sonata

hindemith collage

Fans of Unterweisung im Tonsatz everywhere received some incredible news this week when John Man, cardboard collector and wunderkind, discovered an unpublished manuscript by the composer Paul Hindemith.

“It’s another sonata!” he said breathlessly. “I found it in a box.”

Man was overjoyed to discover the manuscript, as it fills a great void in the Hindemith canon. “There was always the great unanswered question in Hindemith scholarship regarding his lack of instrumental music between the viola sonata and the seven pieces for three trautoniums,” he said. “Now we know that he wrote this magical little sonata for elliptical transverse crumhorn.”

Man said that after a studying the score in detail he was pleased that it was exactly what he expected. “It’s possibly the most typical example yet of exactly the same sort of shit he always wrote,” he said. “As I flipped through the score I dared to wonder: ‘will there be a fourth voice in this one?’ But of course there wasn’t.”

Man showed us his collections of Hindemith scores and rare cardboards. “I have the most varied array of cardboards ever gathered under one roof,” he said, sprinkling some salt into his Lapsang souchong tea. “Sometimes I chew on them.”

Man looks forward to a wonderful musical future full of even more Hindemith. “I can’t wait for two relatively unknown musicians to make a serviceable recording of it,” he said. “Then I will be able put another cd on my shelf and look at it.”

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16 Responses

  1. megamezzo says:

    I haven’t yet managed to source an elliptical transverse crumhorn but I did find these on Amazon if Man would be interested: http://www.amazon.co.uk/trautonium-CDs-Vinyl/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n%3A229816%2Ck%3Atrautonium

  2. Cecilia says:

    This is THE BEST thing I’ve ever seen on the internet. A thousand sonata thanks!

  3. Laura Gordy says:

    Now, if we could only consign that wretched tuba sonata to oblivion, many pianists would sigh in gratitude.

  4. Harvey Smith says:

    This fills a much-needed gap in the literature!

  5. I was sure you must be a pianist. They’re the worst. Intonation – that is for the piano tuner. Subtlety – I make music with hammers.
    As Hindemith wryly stated – “The worst blow the admirers of the [piano] ever received was the discovery of physicists that in the sound tracks of an oscillator no difference can be seen between tones produced by the adept touch of a great artist’s hand an those stemming from manipulation with an umbrella. Piano antagonists liked to gloat over this humiliating experiment which, by the mere fact that it could be performed, seemed to prove the uncouthness of the mechanism in question.”
    Your minions might check out Glen Gould’s recording of the five Hindemith sonatas with brass instruments or the Marianleben Song Cycle, which Gould stated is, “The greatest song cycle ever written.” It is ironic that the only Grammy Award Glen Gould ever won was for his “program notes” to his god-awful recording of the three solo piano sonatas of, who else, Paul Hindemith.

    • Throwcase says:

      I have to say I have always found the “umbrella” argument to be incredibly stupid. It may be true for a single note, but even so, completely irrelevant when it comes to music making. Does anyone truly believe that you could rig up a set of 88 umbrellas and make it play like Argerich?

  6. R Loomis says:

    A friend sent me this, with no info other than the header “Hindemith.” I started laughing hysterically when I saw the title, and kept laughing all the way through. I’m now forwarding it to multiple friends…

  7. Sixtus says:

    That wasn’t a sonata rolled up in his pocket. He was just glad to see . . another instrument that needed the boring-Hindemith-sonata treatment.

  8. H Boyle says:

    Hallelujah! I’m not insane after all – that’s exactly how I feel about Hindemith and those damned sonatas… !

Think. Type. Dazzle

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