John Man, consumer and freelance judge, recently heard about an amazing new opera by one of the most talented and brilliant composers alive.
He briefly listened on his phone to an mp3 of Bob Guy’s third opera, Relevant Contemporary Subject And A Bit Controversial Too, while riding the bus to work. He reportedly did not think much of it.
“It just sounded really tinny and small,” he said. “I want an opera to transport me to other places, like my bus. But instead it left me cold and alone, like reggae.”
Man was not impressed with the soprano’s high notes, so he turned the music off and instead played his favourite viral flash game, Waiting For Godot. “I mean, it just wasn’t real singing,” he said. “I should know- my teacher is the last link to true bel canto singing left on Earth.”
Man’s teacher, local pensioner Dorothy Schnupps, was unavailable for comment. Man explained this as an aspect of her artistic purity. “She doesn’t believe in recordings, or interviews, or leaving any trace of her abilities anywhere. That’s why she paid Google to remove any mention of her long stints at Covent Garden and La Scala and the Met. She’s a purist, and she’s the only person alive who knows the true Golden Age of singing, because she studied it with an Italian person a long time ago. And as she often says, this new music just isn’t older music.”
Man promises to listen to the rest of the opera one day, or at least read the synopsis so he can refer to it in conversation. His main goal now is reaching the end of his favourite flash game, which none of his friends have so far been able to do. “This game really speaks to me- it’s like it has seen into my soul and brings everything I am to the surface.”